It's a matter of principle

I've said it before and I'll say it a thousand times...

2010-12-02T12:43:00.002-05:00

... vitamins have never made any sense to me.

"Report Questions Need for Two Diet Supplements," The New York Times, 11/29/10.

There Are Shockingly Few Industrialized Countries

2010-11-16T13:05:00.002-05:00

It's a huge lie! Most of us are not doing well.

Sincerely,

Comrade Andrea, apparently.

P.S. A question for another time, in a far-off place: Is industrialization good?

Apples and sundry

2010-11-14T14:14:00.004-05:00

Having written is one of the best feelings in the world. It is better than kissing, better than shopping, better than vegan apple bars. It may or may not be better than lying in a cornfield looking up.

I'm Listening

2010-10-14T23:25:00.003-04:00

Today on my way up the fabled, marbled stairs of a building at the University of Michigan I passed about a dozen students scattered around the floor over giant sketchpads, sketching said fabled stairs.

Almost all of them had headphones on; so uniformly that at first I thought part of the assignment might have included some audio recording. But a few did not, and so I reject that hypothesis.

What this means is: I am surprised by our low tolerance for silence.

Big Fonts, Small Minds: Andrea Jones-Rooy and the APSA 2010 Experience

2010-08-31T18:55:00.001-04:00

Prepare to be Dazzled!

Andrea Looks for Data

2010-08-21T17:21:00.003-04:00

Andrea looked for data on the Internet. She found some that might work, and then discovered it didn't. She found some more that might work, and she's still not sure if it will. Also, she downloaded some songs.

A Diversion, Dear Readers!

2010-08-19T23:43:00.008-04:00

Dear Friends!

I come to you, poring over the Internet, and a spoonful of Raw Almond Butter, with the following invitation to EXPRESS YOUR OPINIONS to Strangers! You, too, can answer questions about Raw and Vegan THINGS.

Rule 1: I like surveys

Rule 2: I am forever against the abbreviation of the word "vegetable" to "veggies"

**Bonus Rule 3**: Go ahead, take this survey, and vote for Pure Food and Wine for Best Restaurant, Mighty-O for best vegan bakery, Sarma Melngailis for best vegan chef, and Vancouver for best vegan International city! Now you are an informed voter.

Or, please COMMENT HERE and correct Yours Truly! For I am but a humble servant.

The end! Except, the beginning:

Take the "Veggie Awards" Survey Here.

P.S. Bonus Bonus Bonus that is not actually a Bonus: I will not reveal for whom I voted for best national vegan city. One reason is that I don't remember. The other is that, no matter what upon which I settled, said settling caused Much torment.

Important, and I Mean It

2010-07-31T10:26:00.005-04:00

Here are two things that are related, but I know nothing about.

First, there is a reasonably new program in some medical schools to specifically admit students whose undergraduate training was in the humanities, not the physical sciences.

Second, we (society and medical professionals, more specifically) have no idea how to treat and care for end-of-life patients. (Warning: this article is horribly sad.)

I am in no position to offer further thoughts on this matter at present besides the following: I still don't know whether offering medical classes to non-medical doctors would ultimately be good for everybody. Nor do I know if I care, when I go to the doctor, how broadly read in the humanities he is. But I do know that there is a reason medicine is still fundamentally practiced by humans, not robots.

I am going to say something controversial

2010-07-28T22:23:00.002-04:00

Listen up!

This is it:

I find babies of people I know to be far grosser than babies of people I don't know.

Incontrovertible

2010-07-12T12:57:00.001-04:00

Today I did not receive a mini bible from a man on the corner because I was carrying two cups of coffee and he looked at me and realized I wouldn't be able to hold it. It is now official that coffee was invented by Satan.

There, Way Over There, and Even Further Away than That

2010-06-07T16:13:00.004-04:00

There is an obvious comment to be made about how there are now a million different articles about how things like hyperlinks, the Internet, and eternal information updates on all our gizmos (my 90 year old male friend made me call them that) causes us to lose focus, and how the fact that there are all these articles now makes following the story difficult, because I don't know what to read first. Also there is a thingy (that's Earl again) on the New York Times right now where you can test your focus. I opened that, then saw another article (called "Driven to Distraction" or "Dressed to Distract" -- it doesn't matter, I didn't read it), and then closed everything, checked my email, and am now here.

But I, dear readers, am not going to be the one to make that comment.

There is an additional comment to be made about the artfully ironic usage of hyperlinks in here, but I, subtle friends, am also not going to do that.

Ask Again Later

2010-05-26T20:49:00.002-04:00

Here's a social science puzzle for you.

Why was the Magic Eight Ball ever remotely popular? Why did we buy these things?

What is wrong with us?

A cheap shot

2010-05-21T23:09:00.004-04:00

Two fat girls under a tiny umbrella in the pouring rain. I'm sorry, dear readers, it is insensitive, but it is also funny!

[Insert Venn Diagram where the circle on the Left is INSENSITIVE and the circle on the Right is FUNNY here.]

Dear Mr. Boss, Sir:

2010-05-21T22:29:00.003-04:00

I have decided I will no longer allow others to tell me what to do. Please let me know if this is acceptable. In addition, I refuse to continue apologizing for my decisions. I am sorry if this is an inconvenience for you.

Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally

2010-05-19T16:08:00.002-04:00

This mnemonic never really worked for me because I always got hung up on what it was Sally did that needed so much excusing. I am pretty sure she got blackout drunk at a strip mall, but that doesn't make any sense, because then it would mean you set something to Base 2 before Differentiating and Setting equal to zero and Measuring. Which, obviously, is wrong.

If you gather the berries, I'll slaughter a rabbit

2010-05-13T16:59:00.013-04:00

For how long will we be beholden to our evolutionary past?

This article is about how men tend to be more intelligent than women (you read that right). It claims that the reason for this comes from two factors:

Our hunter male ancestors had to solve complex problems to hunt. This meant the smarter ones survived. Our female ancestors who were in charge of the mindless task of collecting berries, on the other hand, could be as dumb as they pleased.
Our hunter male ancestors also increased their chances of survival and reproduction if they were more competitive. Thus, not only are men more intelligent, on average, than women (by 5 IQ points!), but also they are more likely to ruthlessly pursue success.

I understand that our old Neanderthal brains are all kinds of stressed out in our new, rapidly evolving social world. But, evolution hasn't come to a standstill. The verdict doesn't have to necessarily be in forever, right? Perhaps these days men and women face tasks that are more equally challenging than before. Perhaps in a million billion years we'll close that 5 point gap.

Surely we're now (and have been for the last, say, hundred thousand years) being selected on different features of brains from those for which our hunter-gatherer relatives were rewarded.

Or are we?

Think about this at your own risk

2010-05-09T02:37:00.002-04:00

Many say we should have reasonable expectations, lest we get disappointed. Many also believe prophecies can be self-fulfilling.

Where you Stand is Where you Sit; Or, Epilogue part 2 of 1

2010-05-03T12:57:00.002-04:00

This just in, eager and breathless readers! The Moment Yours Truly got up and began to Collect her Things (loosely defined), something. Happened.

He sat down!

I am filled with instant calm. Like a babbling brook that ceased to babble, but because it was calm, not stagnant or filled with styrofoam.

Standing for Change; or, Epilogue, part 1 of 1

2010-05-03T12:54:00.002-04:00

Your Fearless Leader Cannot Take It! Trying to sit and work next to a man who is standing is officially impossible. Why, dear ones? Clearly, it is related to our evolution on the grasslands. I do not think I need to bore you with the details of how those connect.

Your preferences don't look so ordered from the other side, eh?!

2010-05-03T12:24:00.003-04:00

Dear Readers!

Your Fearless Leader read a blog post the other day about how terrible sitting is for us, and how we should do less of it. This is probably true.

Today, Yours Truly is in a café and the man next to me is standing while working at his computer, and has been for the past One Hour Or More.

This has translated into Your Leader spending the last One Hour Or More feeling Mighty Nervous! Leave, sir! Or sit! How can you spend your life in this purgatory?!?!?!?!

Your Seated Leader may even need to move to a new room.

On Hickory

2010-04-28T19:42:00.004-04:00

I had some almonds the other day that turned out to have "hickory" flavoring in them. I don't know what "hickory" actually is, but it brings to mind ropes and wooden walls with deer heads on it, so it can't be good.

Oh, Hello There

2010-04-28T19:18:00.003-04:00

A good title for a book:

"Everyone Has a Story, Except Me"

Optional subtitle: An autobiography

By Dipheroné Larson (your Fearless Leader's New Pen Name)

Laundry

2010-04-27T16:36:00.006-04:00

None of us know what we are doing. The next day, much less week, may bring problems we haven't considered. Or, it may bring pleasant surprises. Or, it may bring nothing particularly new in either direction.

Regardless, Your Fearless Leader hereby Proclaims that doing Laundy never makes you worse off.

No matter what happens, by heavens, you will at least be able to deal with it without having to search around your room first for a clean pair of socks or a shirt that doesn't look like crap. This is why the cavemen invented laundromats. People don't realize this, but "Sir-Sudz-A-Lot" was an early hominid. He may have dated Lucy.

Sling the Daggers, oh dear ones

2010-04-18T19:35:00.003-04:00

Dear Ones!

It turns out that a very good insult to use on someone is: "You put the 'pathetic' in 'sympathetic'". It is especially daggered because it punishes someone for trying to do something that is kind to you!

Your Fearless Leader shall Keep You Updated on its use and reception.

Disappointments!

2010-04-18T18:54:00.003-04:00

Dear Readers!

It is but a gift and a curse that Your Fearless Leader has terribly high expectations for the production of most things in life! A gift, yes, as high standards drive us to excellence. A curse, yes, also, as we are Destined for Disappointment (the original double D).

I present to you the latest in our collection of Special Shortcomings ("Special" pronounced as in "species" but with suffix "-ial", as in "of or applying to our species"):

There is no verb yet for the act of looking something up in the Dictionary! (And don't get me started on the Thesaurus.)
The word Globish has another pronunciation: Globlish!
Soy lattes are still awful!
There is no word "special" in the sense described herein.

Friends, Readers, Confidants: Let not these troubles cause you sadness. We shall rise up; only, of course, to be disappointed further.

A Cocktail Party of Strangers

2010-04-02T02:39:00.001-04:00

Meeting someone new means

It’s possible

Your world could change completely

Right away.

But normally it means

You’re about to

Engage in small talk

... for awhile.

My New Self-Help Book! (forthcoming)

2010-03-31T13:42:00.031-04:00

Dear Readers!

Exciting news from your Fearless Leader! We are publishing a self-help book, and right here for your VERY OWN PRIVILEGED EYES, we present an exxxcclussive excerpt!

----

"Secrets to Success: The Paranoia Next Door, Volume 1, Part 1, Section 1 of 2, Catastasis for the Rest of Us."

Bored with your ho-hum existence? The ticket to boredom relief, psychologists* say, is fear! Imagine: if you had something (or better -- someone!) to run from, be scared of, or at least lie awake obsessively thinking about at night while your heart races and your palms sweat and you can't even breathe for the agony -- Mr. HH (Ho-Hum) would be RIGHT on out the door faster than you can say "help me."!

To get started TODAY** just use this simple trick! Imagine you are on the brink of catastrophe. Allow every single thing that happens to you, or that you observe, or that even shows up on TV or in your text messages, to be a confirming signal of that worst fear. Then, unlock your front door and hop into bed! Goodnight!!

*not psychologists

**for better results, start TONIGHT. Advanced students (only) may wait until the next new moon. Extra-advanced students may wait until the next new moon DVD.

----

Stay tuned for more sneak previews and excerpts, Dear, Wonderful, Readers! And to all a panicked, one-eye-open night! And, while that one eye is open -- keep it peeled for my Book to hit bookstore* shelves soon**!!

*not bookstore

**Loosely defined. Until then, remember this: Time is your worst enemy.

--------

P.S. Sneaky me, I'm saving the best for last: SATISFACTION IS COMPLETELY GUARANTEED! You will see results faster than you can say, "someone call the police" OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!!

AND, if you pre-order TODAY, we'll throw in an audio accompaniment guide ABSOLUTELY FREE!! Settle down for a dark and stormy afternoon and repeat aloud to such great hits as, "911? I'd like to report an intruder" and "has anyone seen my grandmother?"

DON'T DELAY!!!!

If I were homeless

2010-03-19T08:54:00.011-04:00

If I were homeless

I would

Sit on a park bench

All day,

Feeding pigeons (with what?),

Squinting in the sun,

Tanned skin around my eyes,

Covering a mind that would be

Wondering

How it ever was

That I wore a suit,

And tie, and ticking watch.

I also

Most surely would not

Live

In Michigan.

Please Enjoy Thinking About The Following

2010-02-25T20:49:00.002-05:00

When you call someone "typical", it is never in reference to a good thing!

For example:

"You look beautiful today. Typical!"

That makes it sound nasty!!

This is outstandingly interesting!!

oh, Hark! The innocent days of Ice and High Speed

2010-02-16T20:49:00.017-05:00

Dear Readers!

Yours Truly has a Hobby! Yes, a HOOOOBBBBBBYY. That looks like it says "hooby", which, for the record, is different.

The hobby is, after it has Snowed and there is Snow on one's Car, scrape off only the windows, and leave all other snow piled on top of it -- the hood, the roof, the sailboat you carry behind it, etc.

Then, drive at high speeds and enjoy the snow Rrrripping off the car in a giant cloud of danger!

More to the point: It is not that dangerous (don't tell Yours Truly otherwise), and it makes you feel like you are living a high school physics experiment. On ... erm... wind ... and Force! Wind and force, sir!

Let's Never Speak of This Again

2010-02-05T11:08:00.004-05:00

If you are a child and want to be loud on a bus, here is the secret: Laugh and shriek in a delighted fashion. No one can ask a happy child to stop being happy, even if they secretly wish you were stored in the luggage compartment.

The view is nice from up here on my high horse!

2010-01-24T16:41:00.002-05:00

It's that time again, dear readers! That's right -- time for Yours Truly to complain more about what we're eating. This time it's going to be quick (fear not). Here it is:

Snacks: I am against them.

There are many reasons, some more sane than others, none unvaluable. (Do not tell me that unvaluable is not a word.) Your Fearless Leader will not share them Yet, but invites you to Whet your non-appetite with this article on how eating all the time has taken over American culture.

Andrea Sends a Letter, Volume III

2010-01-13T15:10:00.002-05:00

Episode 1, series finale: At 11:05 AM EST (or EDT??), Your Fearless Leader Mailed a Letter. It was easy. She said no when they asked if she wanted more than one stamp.

Andrea Sends a Letter, Volume II

2010-01-11T22:42:00.003-05:00

Episode 1: After writing blog post about failing to send letter, notice the full, cold truth of how pathetic lack of letter sending is. Vow to send letter that afternoon.
Episode 2: Afternoon passes. No letter sent.

Andrea Sends a Letter, Volume I

2010-01-11T16:42:00.007-05:00

Episode 1: Spend a day finding a card that isn't obviously from a drug store discount bucket but also doesn't cost $7.95.
Episode 2: Keep card and envelope in bag for 2-2.5 weeks. (I'm traveling! I can't write CARDS!)
Episode 3: Return from travels. Wait several days. Call someone to get address of recipient. Write address on a used post-it note found in car. Put post-it in bag with card.
Episode 4: Two days later, address envelope, be grateful key post-it is still there. Write first half of card. Discover it is glossy and thus smearing everywhere. Stop.
Episode 5: Carry open card around another hour. Finally close it, hope ink doesn't get destroyed.
Episode 6: 3 week days and 2 weekend days later, finish second half of card.
Episode 7: Keep it open on desk for several hours. Close it, lick envelope. Put in bag.
Episode 8: Leave in bag until there is time to go to Post Office to get stamp. But the Post Office closes at 5 PM. Also, it is cold out. 2 more days pass.

TO BE CONTINUED!

A Day in the Midwest

2010-01-10T23:14:00.011-05:00

Yours Truly is in a Prominent Bank on a Prominent Street in a Town in Michigan, when a nearly toothless man in a wheelchair rolls in at top speed from a very snowy sidewalk. He has a backback that looks empty and the biggest Grin you have ever seen.

He halts, spins around once to take everyone in. Someone asks how his Christmas was. He shouts: "In my old age, I don't need anything new! I just want to be able to come in and say hello to my favorite bankers!"

Everyone exclaims hello back, asks how he has been since Christmas. He is, as you might expect, Outstanding.

He wheels up to the counter and addresses the gentle old lady teller with the salutation, "Hello, Marvelous!" Her response is not audible.

Immediately following that is the most rip-roaring conversation anyone has ever heard about how Kroger is the best grocery store anyone could have asked for. Everyone is involved and has a laudable thing to add about our Humble Grocery Chain.

When they run out of praises to sing, one lady helps him get something out of his backpack. He leaves in a flash, having done no banking. Everyone carries on. Yours Truly waits more.

(Insider tip: don't even think about going to Meijer unless you feel like waiting for a hundred years at their slow self checkout lines!!)

(Insider counter-tip: Yours Truly attended a Luncheon once with Hank Meijer, son of owner. He is, it turns out, a very Nice man, is writing a biography of his father, and is very Philanthropic to good causes like Microcredit. This post in no way intends to reflect the Opinion of Anyone, except for those stated herein, and heretofore.)

Note to self

2010-01-07T13:40:00.007-05:00

Rule 1: On Monday mornings in Michigan, the Panera near the local shopping mall is filled with over-caffeinated super moms. They (the Panera people, not the super moms (as far as can be understood from the naked eye)) also turn off the fireplace, which is the only redeeming quality in the whole place.

Rule 2: Do not go there!

And, now, the first PARADOX of TWENTY-TEN! Major cities in California are one thousand times (approximately) warmer than most other cities in the northern half of the US. Yet, roaring fireplaces are de rigeur in the former, and de almost nowhere to be found ever in the latter.

This is a puzzle. There is very little research on this. Someone, for the love of things on fire and not wanting to freeze to death, fill this gap in the literature!

Proposal 1: Research agendas in the social sciences in this decade should be valued in terms of how much they contribute to the immediate personal comfort of the researcher.

fin.

Finite resources

2009-12-15T00:51:00.001-05:00

This grammar exercise is something on which it might be worth spending time (?). This is not to say I spent much time on it.

Putting the acid in acidophilus!

2009-11-23T17:58:00.006-05:00

Here's a quick read on less protein, less meat for most of us (in the US and similar SAD-like places). The reason this time is the high acid in meat and dairy, which we (a) eat too much of, and (b) don't balance by fruits and vegetables, which are high alkaline. Acidity is officially something I don't understand, but I've read about it elsewhere and find it not completely crazy. In other words, please pass the carrots! Just kidding, Yours Truly would eat carrots even if they were the most acidic thing on earth.

2009-11-23T17:28:00.010-05:00

In another life I have fancy clothes and marble floors. I spend my days mostly indoors, except when I am outside by my pool or in my car with my driver on the way to a friend's house, which looks like mine, save different numbers of columns and different roundnesses of pools. Each day contains a martini, a rest, and a swim. In between those things, I feel impatient.

I Feel Pretty!

2009-11-12T09:43:00.006-05:00

We all get caught in photographs while we are making goofy faces, or staring blankly, or looking furious for no reason. But, I think if I were more famous (and by "more" I mean "at all remotely"), I would make a concerted effort to never not smile pleasantly.

P.S. This post is dedicated to my dear Brother, whose Birthday is Tomorrow. And Who Also is very Pretty!

2009-11-07T23:45:00.003-05:00

In another life I am a professor in a school where I walk over crunchy leaves a disproportionate time of the year compared to average, I wear glasses and a vest, think long, slow thoughts, and articulate them over wine to people just like me. We agree that it's all very exciting.

Ode to Myself

2009-11-05T01:36:00.005-05:00

Traveling is my favorite thing in the entire Universe, or at least in the Parts that I've Seen.

In addition, today is the Anniversary +1 Day of the tag to this entry that is not the one that says "very good". Imagine -- if we had settled on a different calendar, we could have had more or fewer anniversaries. Or, perhaps we'd have devised a way never to have them at All.

How would we commemorate things that happened before? Maybe whenever we felt like it.

Some Days I am Organized. Some Days I work well under Pressure. Other Days, I Despise My Team Members.

2009-11-03T13:00:00.003-05:00

Earlier This Week, Yours Truly overheard a Woman in a Café participating in an event that very exactly approximated a Job Interview. Your Fearless Leader overheard her proclaim about herself that she had a "dynamic skill set."

Your Leader wonders: does this mean that what she is good at changes?

If Anyone Reading This is a Character Developer for Heroes (if that show is still on), Yours Truly has three words for you:

You

Are

Welcome!

Another Day in Altruism City

2009-10-08T10:44:00.011-04:00

Dear Readers!

Yours Truly is currently sitting in a Café next to a Person wearing a Stanford T-Shirt. Someone just walked up to him and exclaimed, "Stanford, Michigan?!"

The original Person said, "No, the school ... in California." There ensued a Horrible Pause, as Nobody Could Tell who was Joking.

Graciously, Your Fearless Leader coughed and Cleared the Air of Awkward Demons.

{fín}

2009-10-05T17:30:00.003-04:00

In another life I have short hair, wear tank tops every day, have a tattoo that wraps around one of my arms, and maybe even a nose ring. I run my own café that makes the best Americanos you've ever had, and also has really good raw food, including selections for those who don't like nuts! I laugh a lot and go on things like yoga retreats in Utah.

igra rokenrol

2009-09-04T14:47:00.005-04:00

Dear readers! Hello from the Front Lines. Yesterday on the Sidewalk a Soldier In Uniform accidentally Bumped Into Your Fearless Leader because he was Not Paying Attention to his Surroundings. Yours Truly can Only Interpret This as Clear Evidence that the US Army's Basic Training Program is Slipping. We are either Doomed, or Gradually Saved.

The End!

University

2009-08-18T01:34:00.009-04:00

Dear readers! How long it's been. I shan't bore you with details, for I have been most busy, and simply mustn't force you to hear the many trace informations of what would surely be a delightful, enchanting, but far too long tale of adventure for anyone's eyes on a simple, hasty location for reading such as the present forum.

Instead, I shall dwell upon a silly anniversary of a day I remember least well of all my days (unless you are a Freudian). To commemorate, your fearless leader will do her favorite things, including, but not limited to: drinking bourbon, driving a car, riding a public transportation rail unit, traversing a not humble city (humility, as we all know, is a sin in our modern times), seeing a dear and wonderful friend, the brilliant Michael Aylward, drinking coffee on a front porch of a nice house in a small town, and spending an evening with the two most important people in one's life in a home over which, I would argue, one can never really get. (The jury remains "out", of course, on whether they ought.)

Post Script: The best thing about modern times is that they are always modern!

If You're Looking for a Title Here, You're About to Be Sorely Disappointed

2009-06-22T22:46:00.010-04:00

Dear Readers,

Hello. It would appear no posts were ... *ahem* ... posted during the month of May. The committee wishes to sincerely apologize for this oversight and blames The Horrible Management In This Place for the mistake.

While we do not offer refunds, we do offer overly theatrical displays of remorse. And by "overly theatrical displays of remorse" we mean "free auto-subscriptions to the Sierra Post Discount Trading Newsletter and Its Non-Junk-Mail-Trainable Affiliates." To receive your own personalized display of remorse, please email us at your convenience at:

donotreply@thisisnotanemailaddress.seriouslyiwishthisactuallywasmyemailaddress.org

Sincerely,

The Committee* on Reader* Enjoyment*

*You can't spell "committee" without "commit"

*We know you don't read this blog. You pronounce each word aloud as you encounter it, to the delight of passersby.

*Make that enjoyMINT and have a Junior One! Also, save yourself some angst and don't think about what a Senior Mint would entail.

Springtime* Competition!

2009-06-22T22:42:00.006-04:00

Dear Readers! In the past two weeks, Your Fearless Leader has engaged in the Modern Act of causing the transfer of funds out of her bank account and into the bank account of something or someone in another place. But, these were not just any old transfers to any old places! No sir, they were transfers to -- this is important --

TWO PLACES THAT ARE FORSAKEN BY GOD.

One is Indiana. The other is Azerbaijan.

And now ... the question on everybody's mind: Which is MORE FORSAKEN?!

VOTE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*not springtime.

Try all you want, you'll never get those things to stick together

2009-04-14T20:58:00.007-04:00

Attention, Attention, my Dear, Dear Readers!

There is a conference taking place in Cargèse, France this very July. One of the topics to be covered is frustrated magnets.

I say, it's high time magnets were given an opportunity to air their grievances. I can only imagine that being at the mercy of those poles all the time must grow tiresome in a big hurry.

(Exhibit A: Why Andrea Does Not Do Stand-Up: See Contained.)

----

Frustrated Magnets Awareness bumper stickers* are available by e-mailing the Author.

*obviously, they are not the magnetic kind. Let's give those poor things a break!

Beginning to end

2009-04-07T01:49:00.007-04:00

I'll tell you what: You give me three nickels, I'll give you a dime and five pennies. No, wait: I'll give YOU two dimes, and then you give me one nickel, thirteen pennies, and one two-cent coin from the days of Yore. Wait, wait, no! I know! You give ME the one million dollars in cold hard cash you owe me, and I'll let you get out of here alive.

BANG BANG BANG BANG!

This blog entry was composed with no idea how it would go whatsoever. On the bright side, I just nailed my opening lines for my mobster screenplay. On the less-than-bright side, I got sketched out.

In unrelated news, I wonder if my coffee is poisoned. And by "poisoned", I mean: "old", and by "old" I mean: who am I kidding? I drink it like this all the time because I don't have a coffee maker in my slum.

And by "slum" I mean "modest accommodation".

Here is something fun: Zebras. Why do they exist?!?!

Ok, ok: You're right. That wasn't fun at all. Here's something that's REALLY fun.

Still not satisfied? Go here.

Put Differently

2009-03-29T19:09:00.004-04:00

Proposition 1: Unless you were going to follow what you just said with exactly the same thing, there is absolutely no reason to insert the phrase "in other words" into your sentence or paragraph.

Proof: Suppose I am tired. Suppose further I wish to express this. Possible ways to do this:

I am tired. In other words, I feel like sleeping.
I am tired. In similar words, I am tired.

Lemma 1: This is exhausting.
Lemma 2: I am not actually tired.
Lemma 3: Yours truly is violently misusing the lemma.

Q.E.D.

Red Meat Causes and Is Caused by Death!

2009-03-24T11:42:00.006-04:00

I've said it before, I said it again (and again), but now I never need to say it again: "Daily Red Meat Raises Chance of Dying Early."

And not only that, but the meat is worse if you:

Cook it
or
Process it.

AND: It destroys the environment.

End of discussion. Good day, gentlemen!

the public services

2009-02-14T19:41:00.008-05:00

This article (from 1990!) discusses a lot of that about which I wish we in the social sciences thought a bit more -- or at least remembered before we embarked on a study. (It also reminds me why I really like the work my advisors do.)

I often think that the social ones are most hubristic of the sciences. Indeed, the motivation for the work taken up by psychology, political science, economics (etc) is (supposedly) to understand and improve ourselves and our living conditions. Frequently, I find this a source of profound dissatisfaction with my chosen field of study.

But, it's difficult to think of any science -- the biologies, the chemistries -- as anything more than another version of selfish pursuit. While in these the goal is to understand the non-human elements of the universe, the understanding we seek is similarly usually for our own advancement [link to bunnies with bleeding eyes here]*.

We debate the "unselfish good deed" endlessly. Perhaps we ought also to wonder of the "unselfish curiosity".

(I may have just given the physicists even more ego than they already have. But even their work is selfish if you consider that we'll all have to end up on Mars anyway.)

*you're welcome.

Natürlich

2009-01-13T18:02:00.014-05:00

In 200 years there's going to be a news story about a person who uses a Forever Stamp from 2009. People are going to share the story with their friends and say, "can you imagine!".

Informational Cascades, or: Welcome to 2009, The Year The Internet Finally Let Us Do Anything We Want

2009-01-08T14:47:00.014-05:00

Welcome to 2009, gentle readers! In today's post I propose to begin with a reflection on the past, then move to the present, and in-between discuss the future.

Since time immemorial, a perfectly sound reason for doing something has been the observation that other people are doing it. In this fearsome blog post, Yours Truly follows in the footsteps of both peers and ancestors, as well as peers of ancestors (Important note: this does not include ancestors of peers).

With no ado beyond that which we've already endured, I hereby invite you, dear watchers (!!!!), to feast your minds and psyches on the following odyssey of communication, technology, art, and that burning, eternal flame that is black-and-white minimally moving human-like creatures:

In addition, and in the continued spirit of calendar-worshipping, I present to you a New Year's Gift of One New Speculation and One New Truth, for a Grand Total of One Speculation and One Truth thus far in this, our fairest of Gregorian years.

Speculation:

Responsibility exists only in the abstract.

Truth:

If you are not inside a Trader Joe's grocery establishment at the precise moment you find yourself in need a bag of freeze-dried mangosteen, you are going to spend your day unsatisfied.

Finally, let us also take a moment to celebrate that this blog just became even more multimedia than it already was. If I didn't worry that it would cause us to shriek in overwhelmence, I would post a celebratory song. For now, we shall suffice with a celebratory made-up word. And a celebratory reward for any reader who spotted the made-up word before it was announced it was made-up. And another celebratory reward for any reader who is currently shrieking in overwhelmence.

Farewell for now, dear readers! May your tomorrows continue to be affected by the things you did today and before that!

In Search of the Word For Attributing Familiarity to the Unfamiliar

2008-12-06T18:08:00.012-05:00

I read an article recently that made the case for the Internet as an extension of our social lives -- as opposed to, as has been long argued by skeptics and other old-fashioned-ists, a replacement or substitute for it.

As with most issues of this uncertain sort, there are arguments to be readily made for both sides.

For example, your Fearless Leader is certainly sympathetic to Kurt Vonnegut's accusation that we modern people have lost respect for the Art of Conversation.

And, I'll be the first to admit that I could have spent the last hour talking to my friends in person rather than sitting here alone in my office.

But, to argue that during this past hour I have been untouched by my fellow human would be to err. Indeed, if it weren't for the Internet, Yours Truly wouldn't be sad:

ericamurray.blogspot.com.

Contrariwise

2008-11-08T12:11:00.011-05:00

I just read something on THE INTERNET where someone argued that the fact that people in the Middle East are happy about Obama's victory is reason to be suspicious of Obama. Now, your Fearless Leader is no conspiracy theorist, but aren't there millions of books about the connection between the Bush family and Saudi Arabia? The evidence that we only see what we want to see never stops piling up.

(Ten points to anyone who can find the mirror-facing-mirror in the previous sentence.)

Aside: Boy, are we lucky the Internet was named something cool! Imagine if we were constantly referencing the Pancake instead.

Back to the point: It is troubling and interesting (in that order) that many Americans take issue with the fact that our so-called enemies have congratulated our new President. Sure, if others were happy about a tragedy here, that's one thing. But right now, for the first time in as long as I've been a voter, people are agreeing with the choice Americans have made. Now, the following is not WORLD POLITICS CONFIRMED, but come now: isn't a good way to not fight with other people to ... not fight with other people?

Aside: Splitting infinitives; beginning sentences with conjunctions; overusing the semicolon; underusing conjunctions in lists ... are all apparently acceptable if you believe in Emergent Grammar. (!!)

(The fact that Noam Chomsky is as influential a thinker as he is and is a linguistics scholar is evidence that either (a) linguistics is a more important focus of study than we realize, or (b) it doesn't matter what we study, as long as we study something at all.

Finally, dear readers, I leave you with the following:

If you can't handle wondering what affects what gets elected to your consciousness (oh, bless you, Nick Ellis), wonder about this: Why Is Everything Still Pasteurized in This g.d. Country?
Jennifer Miller + Abbreviations = A Guaranteed Good Time.
What if there were a way to use hyperlinks in speech?
)

parade of fools

2008-10-20T15:59:00.005-04:00

The profession of doctoral student is among the very few for which self-contempt is a virtue.

Neither confirmable nor disconfirmable

2008-08-14T21:02:00.002-04:00

Think about this, dear readers: If I were a fortune teller on the side, there would be no way for anyone to know.

Perfect Storm of Human Excellence

2008-08-06T14:07:00.004-04:00

It's a collision of Olympics and Del Close and Your Fearless Leader is wildly overwhelmed by these things in which she is already unhealthily interested. Among all the fanfare, I am currently most obsessed with Becky Kim, and you should be, too.

But think about it! Improv is thrilling because it's among the most raw and truthful human behavior one can observe. As for synchro, as Steven Strogatz, another person with whom everyone ought to be obsessed, puts it: "in its most refined form, persistent synchronization can be spectacular" (SYNC, p. 2). Thus, in one weekend we celebrate two intensely impressive feats of people in groups.

Thus, the intersection of one of the biggest weeks in synchronized swimming and one of the biggest weeks in Improv calls for something special. Something REALLY special. And that is ... the one and only Truly Reminiscent moment that will ever appear on this blog (we operate in a spirit of presentism over here, friends. For more on that subject, read this book. Incidentally, it was written by my undergraduate dance teacher's mother. It's also set in China, so there's some Olympic Spirit for you).

On to the Truly Reminiscent:

Once in a synchronized swimming workshop at Michigan a prominent coach came and for an exercise had us do 15 minutes of Improvised Synchronized Swimming. She played music and told us to do whatever "moved us". We all scattered around the pool and did random things until she turned off the music. Most of us felt ridiculous, but trusted that she knew what she was doing. I remember spending a lot of time underwater (they can't see you there). Finally it ended. She looked at us blankly, paused, then started talking about something else. No one ever mentioned it again.

This means worlds shouldn't collide. That's why Olympics and DCM are stressful. That's also why I'm intensely grateful the Zebra F-301 Enthusiasts' Summer Spectacular was mercifully scheduled for the week after next.

Always!

2008-08-01T18:51:00.003-04:00

Apparently people aren't terribly into serenity and happiness.

I think I am less impressed by the iPhone the more impressive it gets. Insert appropriate chart of decreasing returns, exacerbated by irrational intolerance for everyone having the same thing.

That said, I still can't decide how I feel about gmail. I'll talk it over with my therapist tonight.

Before I go, some new experiences:
1. Riding a camel
2. Getting scolded by a Moroccan woman for riding a vespa on a sidewalk and losing my shoe
3. Riding a vespa on a sidewalk and losing my shoe
4. Having a snake around my neck
5. Having a snake in my eye
6. Buying a cappuccino instead of a latte at Oren's by Columbia. (It was delicious. Taking risks pays off, friends!)

Otherwise uninteresting

2008-07-18T05:01:00.001-04:00

What is more sad: Setting an alarm clock for noon, or knowing that if one doesn't set an alarm clock for noon, one will sleep far beyond that?

More mirrors facing mirrors

2008-07-14T22:52:00.007-04:00

I just read this NYTimes article about staying overnight in airport terminals while I amRIGHTTHISVERYMINUTE staying overnight in an airport terminal! Will the vortextual rabbit hole of mirrors facing other mirrors never end?!

Today we are in Madrid, dear readers, as a result of a series of ill-planned flights that have also been delayed; however, the reason for being stuck in Madrid-Barrrrajas is actually entirely due to the poor planning, not the delays, though they are real (rule 1: never lie about delays). Here are some fun facts, in direct order of level of fun:

The past 6 flights in a row I have taken have all been delayed.
These past 6 flights have all been international*
The article I cite above about terminals is not particularly useful or interesting**

*incorrect: this fact is not fun.

**This fact is also not fun, but it is useful and interesting. Hopefully you read it before you clicked on that link I provided. Or at least if you clicked the link first, hopefully you tabbed on back to this before reading that article in its entirety.***

***If you did read that link in its entirety, you probably also saw this link, which is still not useful or interesting enough to really be called useful or interesting, but I will allow that it's worth a moment's perusing.****

****But then again, if you didn't read the first link all the way through (as well you shouldn't have), you wouldn't have gotten to that link. Thus, dear reader, I pasted it here (above) for you.*****

*****Then again, had you read the first link in its entirety, you would have gotten to the second link on your own, which you would still be reading RIGHTTHISVERYMINUTE, and, by that account, you would not be reading this.******

******But if you did read the first link and now you are reading this, then that means that RIGHTTHISVERYMINUTE you are reading about yourself reading about yourself.*******

*******Relatedly, there are announcements in this terminal announcing that there will be no announcements.

Can you even handle it?!?!

"Internet"ional Relations

2008-06-11T16:47:00.002-04:00

Yet another reason why the Internet is fun: Find out what spacecraft you can see from where you live by going here!

I'm sure we could figure that out without the Internet, but I feel like you would have to know to look for it. Maybe. Or, I suppose, you could just see it on the news. Then again, on the news you can see mostly inane things that matter to no one. An exception that is very not inane (ane?), of course, is any televised news story explaining discovered links between cell phones and brain cancer. I think that that speculated (and in my scientific opinion, very very likely!) connection is a perfectly solid reason to stop answering my phone altogether.

If you would like to talk about my low opinion of televised news, call me!

ZING!

Do this, actually

2008-05-23T01:28:00.004-04:00

I just read about a website called FutureMe on my fine friend Daniel Leary's blog. It's a site where you can compose an email to yourself and then designate its delivery for a time in the future. (Interesting in itself, though I feel like regular old email has that function?)

BUT: I invite and encourage you, dear readers, to go this very instant directly to FutureMe and click on "view public entries". There, you can all experience for yourselves the stunning discovery that at the core everybody's problems are exactly the same. More evidence that our contexts are our only differences?

Deal with that!

You may also feel free to wonder (1) why people elect to send themselves messages about bad things and not good ones, and (2) why people don't email themselves "big" questions. We wonder what colleges we'll get into, not why we all devised the institution of education in the first place. A survival mechanism, presumably. Questioning the status quo is difficult (and for a few good, solid reasons, at least in the short run).

As for not going back even further and wondering why we're all here in the first place to think about life -- much less eduation, much less what college we're going to go to, much less why we are bothering to email ourselves about it ... well ....

Once you're done with that, do this.

Firmly Resolving the Debate Once and For All

2008-04-28T10:42:00.003-04:00

The fundamental flaw with all Cirque du Soleil music, for all who are interested, is that it is all too very "ta da" in nature.

Your attention please

2008-04-22T20:52:00.006-04:00

First, a review of the headlines for your fancy:

This article is important for obvious reasons: The US Government is, unsurprisingly, but still terrifyingly, a propaganda machine.
This article is important for less obvious but far more fundamental and far-reaching reasons: Some languages don't have different words for the color blue and the color green!

Second, two acts of self-indulgence: the first, a Miserable Observation; the second, a Triumphant Announcement:

Today is day 22 of the 30-day Hot Yoga Challenge and Andrea is verrry sick of it.
Daystallion will be competing in Cage Match at UCB on Thursday, May 29!

Third, one complaint:

I had the misfortune of watching "The View" for several minutes on a television in a lobby today. The subject for the day was "hot topics". They spent 1 minute on the election, where, in addition to announcing to everyone that, yes, the war in Iraq is still going on, they made clear the general fact that the economy is bad. As quickly as the subject came up, it was abandoned. The rest of the conversation was dedicated to the issue of Kristi Yamaguchi as a cast member in "Dancing with the Stars." I do not know what the point of "The View" is actually supposed to be, so my reaction may be wholly misguided, but I essentially found the experience entirely disheartening.

Fourth, one truth:

Selectively and sparingly used, the placement of an exclamation point instead of a question mark at the end of a statement that is undeniably interrogative can be masterful.

Fifth, a first installment of our new series, dear readers, of An Eye For An Eye*:

Today I watched someone who normally puts people on hold get put on hold.

Sixth, a review, in order, of all the numbers used in this entry:

1, 1, 2, 2, 2, 1, 2, 1, 22, 30, 2, 29, 3, 1, 1, 4, 1, 5, 1, 6, 1

*working title.

t9, revisited

2008-04-17T14:05:00.002-04:00

Despite the fact that my phone knows the word "Vinyasa" (see below), it does not know the word "tacos".

mucho

2008-04-17T13:46:00.005-04:00

Two things that, when they work beautifully, are evidence that civilization actually might be good for people, but that, when they don't work, make you pretty much question the worth of your entire existence, are: (1) Public transportation and (2) auto-formatting.

Today Domestic Andrea tried to make her own raw hummus. Turns out, Domestic Andrea makes terrible raw hummus. But Domestic Andrea is the Master of Espresso. And of Frozen Raspberries out of a Glass with a Fork.

Relatedly, a study from the University of Michigan (hooray for the home team) found that in the US single women in their 20s spend an average of 12 hours per week on housework. (What are they doing? Does showering and checking e-mail count?) Apparently when they get married, this number goes up to 5 million. That is why I support outsourcing in the home.

MOKA

2008-04-07T13:48:00.005-04:00

Dear readers, do I have a new experience-and-a-half for you! And this isn't any new experience; in fact, it's an experience I have been long *against* doing, for fear I would ruin the magic of the actual outcome.

You guessed it: Andrea made espresso.

I'll allow that to sink in. Yes, making one's own coffee is one thing, but that's only because drip coffee is not a miracle. Drip coffee is the running of hot water through things that taste like coffee so that the water then tastes like coffee. Espresso and all espresso-based drinks, however, are the result of a combination of giant silver machines, levers left over from the 1930s, the banging of spoons on other spoons, and lots (and Lots) of steam. Crank it all around and, voilà, magical cups of glory are produced a la Willy Wonka-meets-the dark side of the moon.

Naturally, my making it at my current home (#10 in the past 12 months, for those counting) did destroy the magic, but -- and here is the crux -- the magic was destroyed only somewhat. The device I discovered in my kitchen and subsequently used to create this drink was at the start very mysterious, and, happily, still remains so, even though I did manage eventually to use it properly:

Have you ever seen anything more mysterious?

Next order of business:
New experience within a new experience: This blog just became multi-media!
New experience within a new experience within a new experience: Nested new experiences!
I won't keep going.

I will leave you, friends, with some new truths to take home to your loved ones:

The fact that it actually rains in April is very cliché on the part of the Weather.
Having to actually ask someone whether he/she remembers you is one of the saddest acts through which one can put oneself. (Advice-for-free: I recommend avoiding this at all costs.)
You will feel better in the last hour of 6 hours of hot yoga than you felt during the middle.
Raw ice cream doesn't melt.
Payphones in subways will come in handy someday.

Formative!

2008-03-28T13:31:00.003-04:00

Every paper I've ever read -- or even so much as looked at the title of -- by Brian Arthur is one that I wish I had written.

New Experience 1: Running into an old friend on the street and up and going for a drink right then and there. That shit only happens in movies.

New Experience 2: Running a giant q-tip around my mouth alongside 2 other people doing the same, while a perfect stranger counted us on. Then doing it again.

New Experience 3: The Deconstruction form in longform improv. Beautiful, hilarious, insightful. What more could you want?

Annual Christmas Card

2008-03-23T18:16:00.007-04:00

Things are changing around here, friends! This week we take the intensity up a notch with the following guarantee: A new and excellent version of my prospectus will be in the hands of my advisors by Friday afternoon. The following week I will attempt to write an entire journal article from start to finish in one week just to see if I can do it.

More news: I will take German lessons! Hast du gut geshlaffen, dear readers? I will especially learn how to spell that!

Even more news: The fabulous Jennifer Miller is trying raw!

Even more news than that: I will also register to become a bone marrow donor. It's something I've thought about for a good while but never got around to doing. Today while I was nominally working (partly motivating goal for the week, above), I came across this blog, which was all I needed to see to sign up. Tuesday I will go, and so should you, friends!

Self-Organized Criticality

2008-03-21T03:22:00.004-04:00

8.5 of the keys on my laptop no longer have the letters on them. For now I can still carry on more or less normally with my typing, but if this trend continues, the fact that I never properly learned how to type without looking at the keys will take its toll. How many more letters need to disappear before I lose complete functionality? I know, I know, there's no end to the thought-provoking questions presented here.

No, seriously: I'll put it at 10 more. Given that it's taken 3 years for these 8.5 to hit the road, I'm somewhat confident that I will have a new computer before that happens. Then again, I promised myself a new computer when I finish the old 'tation, so you never know.

Here's what else you never know: What you're going to feel like doing tomorrow, much less the day after that.

Star of morning, shining hope

2008-03-19T11:26:00.002-04:00

My phone's t9Word knows the word "Vinyasa".

Rental car records make excellent coasters.

Invention we can't improve upon no matter how much we try: Regular old keys.

Stand by

2008-03-17T18:46:00.008-04:00

Here comes the grammar monster:

I notice with increasing frequency that people are using the phrase "waiting on line" instead of "in line" to describe the act of queuing (god bless the British) for something. I even saw it in print once.

Am I insane? There's no way that can be correct. Right? Or am I behind the times and this is some new fancy analogy that abstractly links the concept of the Internet to standing idly and making chit chat with the people behind you? Either way, I reject it. End of discussion.

Superlative for the day: Unexpectedly, the best mangoes in Astoria can be found at C TOWN TOWN TOWN TOWN grocery store on Broadway. If I am a self-appointed authority on any issue, it is this one.

Truth for the day #1: If weather.com tells you that the temperature it "feels like" is at all lower -- even by one degree -- than the actual temperature -- no matter how high that may be -- you will freeze to death.

Truth for the day #2: If you rent the "rating not shown in theaters" version of any movie, it will be worse than the theater version. There's a reason they don't show people getting stabbed up close on the big screen, everyone, and Ang Lee's Lust, Caution is it.

Back on my high horse

2008-03-16T23:53:00.009-04:00

Writing a dissertation is like going to the gym ---- Just kidding, dear readers! This blog entry is decidedly not about my dissertation (whew). Instead, it is about this article. But you are busy people, so instead of expecting you all to read the article, I will present the main points for your convenience, information, and discussion. First, here is the background:

The cost of food is on the rise around the world.
This is mostly because demand is skyrocketing as people in developing countries get wealthier.
The world's stockpiles of grain are the lowest since world stockpiles of grain made sense as a concept.
High prices of food are contributing to inflation in the US
High prices of food are contributing to social unrest and violence in many countries

Now, to be sure, farmers all over the place are responding to the demand by growing as much as they can. But it's all mostly wheat and grains. (Fun fact: there was a one-day pasta strike in Italy last year!) Apparently demand for bread is huge in a lot of places that don't traditionally include it in their diets:

"Between 1995 and 2005, per capita wheat consumption in Nigeria more than tripled, to 44 pounds a year. Bread has been displacing traditional foods like eba, dumplings made from cassava root." It's even gotten to the point where, if you think about it in terms of a substance, people are basically addicted to it. (On this subject, read this book.)

Add to this that demand for other American-style foods is also increasing -- In addition to bread, people all over the place now want things like pork, dairy, and beef. (I've belabored the point elsewhere about how eating all of these things basically makes our healthcare costs ridiculously high and probably is what gives us all degenerative diseases.)

It used to be that the Standard American Diet was the sort of thing that was bad for our health, sure, and, ok, also terrible for the environment. But at least the environmental impact was somewhat mitigated by the fact that it was mostly just Americans eating this way. Then our harmful and unsustainable habits spread to parts of Western Europe. Then they caught on in China. Now they're really ramping up everywhere.

Thus, in the midst of global concerns about overpopulation and global warming, the very lifestyle that contributes most to healthcare costs, costs of living, and environmental damage is spreading like wildfire. Or like a disease!

As if all of this isn't bad enough, the US Government is actively limiting the ability of local farmers in the US to (a) increase how much they grow, and (b) grow things that are not corn, soybeans, wheat, rice, and cotton -- which are the five federally subsidized commodity crops. For more on this terrifying story, go here.

How is it possible, you ask, that in the face of what looks to be a flat-out global economic, health, and food crisis, the US Government isn't changing its policies drastically to try to prevent it, or at least strongly minimize its effects? Alas, my friends, THAT is the subject of my dissertation.

Damn! But before I go, a piece of advice: Even if they tell you you can't have more than one Blockbuster account, you actually can.
Piece of advice #2: Don't incorporate in Nevada.
Piece of advice that I never follow: Brevity, friends, brevity!

High Society

2008-03-13T16:23:00.004-04:00

I recently got invited to a luncheon. I do not get invited to many luncheons. I will not attend this one.

New Experience of the day: Hot Yoga!
Reactions: Hot shit! It was really quite good, and very difficult. I am a longtime yoga skeptic (and longtime way too tense for anything that encourages lying still and clearing one's mind), but this was hardcore. I almost fainted exactly three times.

Ever so idle!

2008-03-11T17:37:00.006-04:00

Analogy that is useful only to me: Writing a dissertation is like driving really, really far. At the end of each day you feel exhausted, but you basically have just been sitting very still all day and have absolutely no feeling of accomplishment whatsoever. Also in both cases you drink more coffee than you should, even though you know better. And you listen to/read a ton of crap that is not only not informative in the slightest, but probably is actively making you dumber. And you chew gum even though you don't want to.

I could go on.

I swear this fine blog will have fewer dissertation complaints in the future. It's no fun for anyone, I know. In the spirit of levitas, I invite you to click on this link. It's hilarious, and I don't use that term lightly. Also in the spirit of the continued scientific endeavor, I will add proper citations: I lifted that link straight from Will Hines' fantastic blog. No spirit of creativity from me today, friends.

For those avidly keeping track, you will be pleased to learn that I attempted wheatgrass shot #2 a few days ago in Ann Arbor. All told, it was a much better experience than the first. I suspect this is because either wheatgrass in Michigan is superior to that in Manhattan, or my expectations got involved and screwed with the experience, as they tend to do. Also the one in Ann Arbor came in a tiny, tiny mug. We are now accepting votes on which reason it actually is. Write-ins are acceptable, within reason of course.

I leave you, fine readers, with a new superlative:
Number 1 Unsung Hero of the Lettuce Community Award: Arugula.

Yes, dissertations and variations on greens, followed by apologies for both. That is what I will rename my blog.

P.S. New Experience for the day: Looked "arugula" up in the dictionary because the powers that be in this blog site are telling me I'm spelling it wrong. All it says for the definition is "the rocket plant, used for cooking". That is even less helpful than definitions for adverbs that give you the adjective + "behaving as though" or "tending to".

Miscellanea

2008-03-05T22:24:00.005-05:00

Truth of the day: Just because the technology exists doesn't mean you have to use it.

Superlative of the day: The most elegant subway connection in NYC: the one between the FV and the ACE at West 4th. Look it up on a map. It's the ballroom dance of subway transfers.

Revisited memory of the day: Gimme! Coffee cafe on Lorimer in Brooklyn.

No way to know!

2008-03-04T21:45:00.005-05:00

Our perspective controls everything, even things that happen as -- what we at least thought were -- seemingly straightforward chemical reactions in the body! Before you dismiss that sentence as making no sense, fine readers, let me explain: there's an article in the NYTimes today on drinking and why people do it and how people in different cultures react to excessive consumption of alcohol. Now, not only do people in different cultures act differently when they're drunk (Americans get aggressive, Japanese sing, Brazilians in some areas get really reserved. Are you surprised by any of this?), but also how our body responds to alcohol can depend on whether we think we're drinking it! Apparently in the 80s a series of studies were conducted where study participants were either given alcoholic drinks or a placebo. The ones who thought they were getting alcohol but weren't acted just as ridiculous as the ones who actually were. And vice-versa, those who only thought they were not drinking acted the same as who actually were not drinking. Most amazing of all:

"One participant insisted that she could not have been drinking because alcohol always made her flush.

“We told her that, yes, in fact she was drinking it,” Dr. Marlatt said. “She immediately flushed.”

Incredible, right?! I'm telling you, 90% of what we do has everything to do with what we think is going on, not what's actually going on. Well, maybe not 90%, but I bet it's high. I'll say it: maybe even higher! I suppose there's no way to ever know, unless humans start getting tested by aliens. Otherwise we're trapped in our own perception nightmare.

Oh, and not only that, but people in different cultures drink for different reasons. Apparently Western cultures are more prone to excuse drinking as a needed "mental vacation" than other cultures. Just more evidence that the Western political/social/economic model is not the cure-all some purport it to be.

Finally, if nothing else, this article has one of the most aesthetically pleasing sentences I've read in a long time: "the disconnect between the conventional wisdom and the available evidence is even now so scandalous as to exceed the limits of reasonable toleration.”

I love that shit. If you still want to read the actual article even though I've spoiled all the highlights for you, you can find it here. In the meantime, I'll work on spoiler alerts.

Monorific

2008-03-04T02:26:00.004-05:00

Truth for the Day: There is no way to explain to someone else how boring someone is without also being completely boring yourself.

New Experience for the Day: Issued a money order.

Falsehood for the day: There's no such thing as the metaphorical dragon. Old experience for the day: Was painfully ambivalent at one point.

I think that's a fine way to ring in March. Carry cash, kids.

Simple!

2008-02-29T17:18:00.001-05:00

"Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants."

wings and wheat

2008-02-28T11:04:00.008-05:00

New Experience 1: "Trivia Night" (TM) at a Hooter's in New Jersey. I went with my improv team last night. Verdict? Excellent. Daystallion came in a proud third place! (against a crowd of 99% frat boys on their home "turf", mind you.) Most common categories of questions? "Sports", "Comics", "Music", "TV", and "Entertainment". What is "entertainment" if not "sports, comics, music, or TV", you ask? I don't know, either.

(For you raw enthusiasts, take note, you can get an entire plate of celery at Hooter's for 69 cents!)

Lest I leave you, dear readers, out of the fun: What were the first four flavors of absolut vodka? Where do the Mets go for Spring Training? What city is hosting the Final Four next year? I am now the proud owner of answers to all of those questions. Test yourselves!

New Experience 2: Wheatgrass shot. Verdict? Completely vile. Even though I expected it to be not that great, it was still a shock how vicious it was. I'll probably have another tomorrow. (Self-challenges are the secret to my success!)

Truth For The Day: Standing in a shower where the drain is blocked so the tub fills up a little feels a lot more disgusting than it really rationally should.

Finally, I ended up watching When Dinosaurs Roamed America the other night. It was disappointing at best, and pretty much portrayed evolution as magic.

Measure this.

2008-02-27T14:41:00.003-05:00

Measuring essay lengths in terms of numbers of words is about as helpful to me as measuring plane cruising altitudes in feet. How long is 7,000 words? How high is 35,000 feet? I know the answer to neither of those questions.

Choices

2008-02-27T02:19:00.012-05:00

Walking with Dinosaurs vs. When Dinosaurs Roamed America?
BBC vs. Discovery Channel
UK vs. US

What will I pick? I even rotten tomato-ed them both. Walking has three "fresh" reviews, one of which accuses the whole thing of being fake. I often fail to understand quite where the line gets drawn between fresh and rotten on that thing.

RT has never even heard of Roamed.

Now that I think about it, what is with the dinosaurs - as - unhurried - pedestrians attitude in both of these documentaries? Why not Running For Your Life with Dinosaurs or Get The Hell Out Of My Way I'm Chasing A Dinosaur? I'd watch either of those before these two I've got here. (Or, I guess I just described Jurassic Park.)

maladroit

2008-02-27T01:23:00.003-05:00

New Experience of the Day 1: I'm in a syllabus!! Page 7, friends.

Granted, it is an unpublished manuscript. Hell if I know how those unlucky undergraduates will get ahold of that. Short of using Google, that is.

I went to see one of my favorite improvisers do stand-up today. I had every intention of standing anonymously in the back and disappearing right away afterward so that I wouldn't look like a groupie. Alas, as luck would have it I was one of approximately four others in the audience. Needless to say, a 1-to-1 comedian-to-audience member ratio means no standing in the back and no anonymity. That's all well and good, and it ended up being lovely, but the trick of it is that the only way I could have known about the stand-up event at all was by reading his blog. That day.

In my defense, your Honor, I am a graduate student. My job is to read things on the internet.

Later I went to Harold Night at UCB for the first time since October, thus making this the first Tuesday I have been in New York for 4 months. That is perhaps the least impressive statistic in the world right now.

There's (always) more to it

2008-02-26T13:22:00.004-05:00

Recently I posted suggesting we improve the foods available in poorer neighborhoods. Apparently, there's more involved than just making it available. In fact, the introduction of produce stands in a bunch of neighborhoods with obesity problems has been met with lots of (understandable) uproar.

I am endlessly fascinated by how the complexity of our societies makes change difficult -- or even just makes things difficult to undo.

Besting

2008-02-26T00:06:00.005-05:00

Top news: I've had more disappointing oranges in a row recently than I care to count. First new experience award for the day: Man on subway standing directly below the sign that said "6 Uptown" asked me if this was the place to wait for the 6 Uptown. Second new experience award for the day: Quinoa Gold. Verdict? (1) An acquired taste. (1a) If you grit your teeth. (2) In retrospect, probably not raw. Those tricky liquids get me every time.

Fascinating slice of real truth 1: "There's a Doctor" = Best song on the Tommy album.
Fascinating slice of real truth 2: The Dashboard, first introduced on OSX Tiger two years ago, by all accounts should have revolutionized modern computing.

It's either completely deterministic or a flat out free-for-all. Today I lean toward the latter. Regardless, I think we can all agree that the frequentists are in denial.

In sum

2008-02-25T01:02:00.004-05:00

Here is the summary of my life for pretty much the past 500 days:

I have a bunch of shit to do that I don't want to do, and no real deadline by which I need to do it. I should stop wondering why I never get anything done, even though I spend 15 hours a day in front of my filthy laptop.

In brighter news, I am happy to report installment 1 of ... Andrea's New Experience of The Day:

Inca Golden Berries.

Verdict? Highly recommended. Go forth, friends!

Precious little time

2008-02-19T16:41:00.007-05:00

Here is what happens when I read the news:

Step 1: Open the news online

Step 2: Read a few of the headlines, mentally dividing them into "should read" (Fidel Castro steps down!) and "actually will probably read at some point" (midlife suicide rates have gone up?), and then click on some article in neither of those categories (the Carpetbagger's "why we watch the Oscars").

Step 3: While the new page loads, open a new tab to something else I decide I have to look up that very second, such as the weather or my credit card statement or how many different kinds of Larabar flavors there actually are

Step 4: While those are loading, in another tab, google how many laundromats are nearby.

Step 5: While that's loading, go back to the news tab. Read half the article, at which point do one of the following:

Get distracted by a movie review/ad/piece of small business advice in the columns. Follow those links until it's already almost dark outside.* Realize, alas, life has not been reinvented despite the promises that American Express makes everything easier, that free-shipping shoes are only a click away, and that all one needs to know to be healthy is one's BMI.

Decide the article is crap and go back to the front page, which takes awhile to load, so open additional separate tabs to compare airfares to New York and to look up synonyms for "abundance". While those load, reread an email recently sent to someone important, then re-watch "Susan and Her Instruments" on YouTube.

Decide the article is extremely excellent, save it before I even finish reading it, at which point the Times will tell me that people who saved this article also saved the following three unspeakably fascinating articles. Embark on a quest to save all articles saved by people who saved those articles.

Actually read the article in its entirety (AND the graphics in a separate window) and make it my new manifesto for the day. Google everything I can related to it. Bother people I know by sending it to them with an annoying personal message that says something like "See?" or "What have I been saying!?"

Step 6: Realize I know nothing of what's going on. Go back to the news front page. Click on something about urban policy and open that in one tab. In another tab open health tips for gentlemen.

Step 7: While those load, write blog entry. Idly consider showering and/or once and for all sitting down and figuring out how I'm going to finish grad school.

Step 8: Get up to slice a cantaloupe. Read half an issue of Esquire.

*In my defense, this is winter news reading. Please!

Suggestivity

2008-02-18T16:37:00.001-05:00

An article on semicolons! Who says there's no good news in the paper anymore?

Subcritical Hopf Bifurcation

2008-02-16T00:08:00.003-05:00

I just now randomly ended up watching a music video on YouTube. It's not important how I got there -- and even less important (read: more embarrassing) what music video it was (so I won't confess it) -- but what is important was how startling the entire experience was.

I can't remember the last time I watched a music video!

Granted, I don't have a TV. However, I like to think that I am, as the kids say, "in touch" with what's going on. I'm up on Season 4 of LOST. I rented all of Heroes once. Hell, I've even tried to get into Grey's Anatomy (which I directly blame for missing my noon meeting today, for the record. In my defense, it was the one where she first meets her half-sister!).

All of that said, it was surprising to me what a different world it felt like just sitting there watching this random girl walk around among expensive shoes and sing about self respect, if you can call it that. (Ok, now I'm giving too much away). Anyway, I'm not sure if it's more that I haven't thought about the kinds of issues about which this girl was singing in awhile, or if I more just haven't appreciated that sometimes you can actually just sit there and be entertained by something completely lame. Regardless, it was semi troubling that it was a foreign experience to me. I'm officially losing all touch with reality out here in Ann Arbor.

In related news, it occurred to me last night (during Grey's -- it was the part where she saves the deer. La-ame!) that this semester in Ann Arbor I almost never speak to anyone except the cashiers at Whole Foods, where I go almost every day (The Ride makes me feel civilized). Each time I go through the registers I end up making the lamest jokes in the world. Today it was about how I already had a plastic bag with me. Yesterday it was about how the cashier didn't know that the spelling of her name is common in Japan.

Losing touch, friends!!

Feeding the Fires of Our Own Destruction

2008-02-15T14:10:00.003-05:00

The more I read about it, the more it seems to me that food and water will be the more important issues facing humanity in coming decades. Certainly the environment is up there, too, and in fact is naturally intricately linked with the nutrition problem, as what we eat and how we grow it have everything to do with how we treat the earth.

Just today this article in the Health Section of the NYTimes writes about findings that being overweight is associated with increased cancer risks. To that I'll add what I've read in The China Study about high consumption of animal proteins also being linked with cancer and heart disease. Finally, our general high consumption in the west of processed, refined foods means that we're overall getting tons of fat, protein, and simple carbohydrates, and few vitamins and minerals that we need, which come largely from plants.

Now contrast that with malnourished and starving people around the world -- where in many places they depend on food aid from the US and other countries, which, at least from the US, is all more of the highly processed, corn and potato based foods that aren't even feeding Americans properly. Couple that with the fact that farmers in other countries who grow cash crops can't even independently feed themselves if they wanted to, and there you have a double-edged sword where all the food going in is barely better than the foods/crops going out.

So, in rich countries we're not taking care of ourselves so we are getting degenerative diseases, while people in poor countries are starving and trying to live off of measly donations from the rich countries in the form of the same nutritionally-poor foods with which we are stuffing our faces. We get tons of calories, they get none. We get cancer and heart disease. They are weak for life.

All of this is so far related just to physical health. Now, consider that proper nutrition is also linked to mental development, alertness, brainpower, and mood. How we feel and think has everything to do with what we eat. When we're hungry we're in a bad mood. Even when we're full but are deprived nutritionally we can be in bad moods. Admittedly, my comments in this paragraph really need to be held off until I look some more stuff up, but I think my intuitions are at least reasonable. Think about it -- the poorest neighborhoods in the US tend also to be the ones with the highest crime rates. Certainly desperation for resources, lack of education, having young adults with no job or school to go to all contribute greatly to that violence.

But, consider also that these are the communities who are the worst fed in the country (if you don't believe me, go to a grocery store in Manhattan and then go to one just over the river in Brooklyn, where everything is suddenly bright white and packaged and what little fruit there is is waxy and unappealing). Maybe, just maybe, the poor nutrition has something to do with the tensions and quick tempers that spur on violent behavior. Again, so far it's just a suspicion I have, but I bet that if we tweaked the diets of Americans, especially in our poorest communities, we'd see better behaved kids in school, more patient parents, and fewer angry teens. I suppose the problem is that changes in diet have subtle background effects on people's lives (hell, that's why dieting is hard for people -- no immediate results!!), so it would be hard to convince, say, the Government to sponsor such a program. And it would be hard, even if they did sponsor it, to keep it going, because the results might take a long time coming in -- which would only increase opportunities for the interference of other variables.

(For the record, I have read here and there about the effects of food on mood and cognition -- that part's less speculative -- it's more that I have no idea what kinds of effects community-wide dietary tweaking might have on our many society-wide challenges.)

Finally, the environment. Ah, the environment, how we destroy you with our factories and terrible land-destroying farming practices. Grow more fruits and vegetables properly (without genetic modification, without pesticides, and with a focus on keeping our soil rich), and watch a lot of our environmental problems go away. Oh, and, I suppose, stop flying all these planes, driving cars everywhere, and pumping out crazy chemicals from non-food factories ... uh, ok ... baby steps!

Well, that's enough of my tirade for today. Sorry to dampen the mood. Just don't say I didn't warn you.

P.S. No, I did not make it to my noon appointment today. I have another one at 3 that I, frankly, have no choice but to go to. Also there's the added advantage that I'm already awake, so all signs point to actually making one commitment this week. Stay tuned, friends!

On Repetition

2008-02-15T02:58:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow I once again am supposed to be somewhere at noon. Will I make it this time???? Dear readers, hold your suspense, only time will tell!

Detrimentus

2008-02-14T16:25:00.003-05:00

Today I set my alarm clock for 8:00 AM. Then I snoozed until 8:45 AM, at which point the alarm clock must have reset itself, because the next thing I knew it was 11:56 AM. I was supposed to be somewhere at noon and decided I didn't feel like rushing around, so, naturally, I did not go. Now it is almost 4:30 PM. I'm not entirely sure what happened during the past 4 hours. I know I took a shower and bought some coffee. Then I glared at some loud people here in the computer lab. Now I'm doing this. I think I'm supposed to be writing something, somewhere. Certainly not this, here. Adios!

The Good and the Bad

2008-02-09T19:04:00.000-05:00

Good coffee can be nothing short of divine. Less than good coffee can pretty much ruin an otherwise fine day. Take note!

With Respect to the Former

2008-02-07T00:56:00.000-05:00

Lesson of the day: Overuse of the expression given in the title of this post has two consequences: (1) the author will sound like a pompous jerk, and (2) the author will sound like a moron. Those things are bad alone, but combined they are almost as bad as being boring and annoying (author's note: I thank Dejan for pointing out those two unsavory characteristics a person might have). I'm allowed to say all of this because I am the guilty party! About the overuse of "latter". Not about being boring or annoying. Obviously! Jeez.

That Which is Taken for Granted

2008-02-05T04:02:00.000-05:00

As a newly proven expert in blogging (see below), I feel like there is a tacit rule in the blogging community that one doesn't post more than once in one's own blog in the span of a single day. Or, if one must, one sees to it that the second posting is substantially shorter than the first. This post certainly breaks the former rule, but not yet the latter. And it won't because, at last, I am le tired.