Wednesday, April 28, 2010

On Hickory

I had some almonds the other day that turned out to have "hickory" flavoring in them. I don't know what "hickory" actually is, but it brings to mind ropes and wooden walls with deer heads on it, so it can't be good.

Oh, Hello There

A good title for a book:

"Everyone Has a Story, Except Me"

Optional subtitle: An autobiography

By Dipheroné Larson (your Fearless Leader's New Pen Name)

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


None of us know what we are doing. The next day, much less week, may bring problems we haven't considered. Or, it may bring pleasant surprises. Or, it may bring nothing particularly new in either direction.

Regardless, Your Fearless Leader hereby Proclaims that doing Laundy never makes you worse off.

No matter what happens, by heavens, you will at least be able to deal with it without having to search around your room first for a clean pair of socks or a shirt that doesn't look like crap. This is why the cavemen invented laundromats. People don't realize this, but "Sir-Sudz-A-Lot" was an early hominid. He may have dated Lucy.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Sling the Daggers, oh dear ones

Dear Ones!

It turns out that a very good insult to use on someone is: "You put the 'pathetic' in 'sympathetic'". It is especially daggered because it punishes someone for trying to do something that is kind to you!

Your Fearless Leader shall Keep You Updated on its use and reception.


Dear Readers!

It is but a gift and a curse that Your Fearless Leader has terribly high expectations for the production of most things in life! A gift, yes, as high standards drive us to excellence. A curse, yes, also, as we are Destined for Disappointment (the original double D).

I present to you the latest in our collection of Special Shortcomings ("Special" pronounced as in "species" but with suffix "-ial", as in "of or applying to our species"):
  1. There is no verb yet for the act of looking something up in the Dictionary! (And don't get me started on the Thesaurus.)
  2. The word Globish has another pronunciation: Globlish!
  3. Soy lattes are still awful!
  4. There is no word "special" in the sense described herein.
Friends, Readers, Confidants: Let not these troubles cause you sadness. We shall rise up; only, of course, to be disappointed further.

Friday, April 2, 2010

A Cocktail Party of Strangers

Meeting someone new means

It’s possible

Your world could change completely

Right away.

But normally it means

You’re about to

Engage in small talk

... for awhile.