A cheap shot

Two fat girls under a tiny umbrella in the pouring rain. I'm sorry, dear readers, it is insensitive, but it is also funny!

[Insert Venn Diagram where the circle on the Left is INSENSITIVE and the circle on the Right is FUNNY here.]

Finite resources

This grammar exercise is something on which it might be worth spending time (?). This is not to say I spent much time on it.

Put Differently

Proposition 1: Unless you were going to follow what you just said with exactly the same thing, there is absolutely no reason to insert the phrase "in other words" into your sentence or paragraph.

Proof: Suppose I am tired. Suppose further I wish to express this. Possible ways to do this:

I am tired. In other words, I feel like sleeping.
I am tired. In similar words, I am tired.

Lemma 1: This is exhausting.
Lemma 2: I am not actually tired.
Lemma 3: Yours truly is violently misusing the lemma.

Q.E.D.

Informational Cascades, or: Welcome to 2009, The Year The Internet Finally Let Us Do Anything We Want

Welcome to 2009, gentle readers!  In today's post I propose to begin with a reflection on the past, then move to the present, and in-between discuss the future.

Since time immemorial, a perfectly sound reason for doing something has been the observation that other people are doing it.  In this fearsome blog post, Yours Truly follows in the footsteps of both peers and ancestors, as well as peers of ancestors (Important note: this does not include ancestors of peers).

With no ado beyond that which we've already endured, I hereby invite you, dear watchers (!!!!), to feast your minds and psyches on the following odyssey of communication, technology, art, and that burning, eternal flame that is black-and-white minimally moving human-like creatures:

In addition, and in the continued spirit of calendar-worshipping, I present to you a New Year's Gift of One New Speculation and One New Truth, for a Grand Total of One Speculation and One Truth thus far in this, our fairest of Gregorian years.

Speculation:

1. Responsibility exists only in the abstract.

Truth:

1. If you are not inside a Trader Joe's grocery establishment at the precise moment you find yourself in need a bag of freeze-dried mangosteen, you are going to spend your day unsatisfied.

Finally, let us also take a moment to celebrate that this blog just became even more multimedia than it already was.  If I didn't worry that it would cause us to shriek in overwhelmence, I would post a celebratory song.  For now, we shall suffice with a celebratory made-up word.  And a celebratory reward for any reader who spotted the made-up word before it was announced it was made-up.  And another celebratory reward for any reader who is currently shrieking in overwhelmence. 

Farewell for now, dear readers!  May your tomorrows continue to be affected by the things you did today and before that!

parade of fools

The profession of doctoral student is among the very few for which self-contempt is a virtue.

Perfect Storm of Human Excellence

It's a collision of Olympics and Del Close and Your Fearless Leader is wildly overwhelmed by these things in which she is already unhealthily interested.  Among all the fanfare, I am  currently most obsessed with Becky Kim, and you should be, too.

But think about it!  Improv is thrilling because it's among the most raw and truthful human behavior one can observe.  As for synchro, as Steven Strogatz, another person with whom everyone ought to be obsessed, puts it: "in its most refined form, persistent synchronization can be spectacular" (SYNC, p. 2).  Thus, in one weekend we celebrate two intensely impressive feats of people in groups.

Thus, the intersection of one of the biggest weeks in synchronized swimming and one of the biggest weeks in Improv calls for something special.  Something REALLY special.  And that is ... the one and only Truly Reminiscent moment that will ever appear on this blog (we operate in a spirit of presentism over here, friends.  For more on that subject, read this book.  Incidentally, it was written by my undergraduate dance teacher's mother.  It's also set in China, so there's some Olympic Spirit for you).

On to the Truly Reminiscent:

Once in a synchronized swimming workshop at Michigan a prominent coach came and for an exercise had us do 15 minutes of Improvised Synchronized Swimming.  She played music and told us to do whatever "moved us". We all scattered around the pool and did random things until she turned off the music.  Most of us felt ridiculous, but trusted that she knew what she was doing.  I remember spending a lot of time underwater (they can't see you there).  Finally it ended.  She looked at us blankly, paused, then started talking about something else.  No one ever mentioned it again.

This means worlds shouldn't collide.  That's why Olympics and DCM are stressful.  That's also why I'm intensely grateful the Zebra F-301 Enthusiasts' Summer Spectacular was mercifully scheduled for the week after next.

Do this, actually

I just read about a website called FutureMe on my fine friend Daniel Leary's blog. It's a site where you can compose an email to yourself and then designate its delivery for a time in the future. (Interesting in itself, though I feel like regular old email has that function?)

BUT: I invite and encourage you, dear readers, to go this very instant directly to FutureMe and click on "view public entries". There, you can all experience for yourselves the stunning discovery that at the core everybody's problems are exactly the same. More evidence that our contexts are our only differences?

Deal with that!

You may also feel free to wonder (1) why people elect to send themselves messages about bad things and not good ones, and (2) why people don't email themselves "big" questions. We wonder what colleges we'll get into, not why we all devised the institution of education in the first place. A survival mechanism, presumably. Questioning the status quo is difficult (and for a few good, solid reasons, at least in the short run).

As for not going back even further and wondering why we're all here in the first place to think about life -- much less eduation, much less what college we're going to go to, much less why we are bothering to email ourselves about it ... well ....

Once you're done with that, do this.

Firmly Resolving the Debate Once and For All

The fundamental flaw with all Cirque du Soleil music, for all who are interested, is that it is all too very "ta da" in nature.

Your attention please

First, a review of the headlines for your fancy:

1. This article is important for obvious reasons: The US Government is, unsurprisingly, but still terrifyingly, a propaganda machine.
2. This article is important for less obvious but far more fundamental and far-reaching reasons: Some languages don't have different words for the color blue and the color green!

Second, two acts of self-indulgence: the first, a Miserable Observation; the second, a Triumphant Announcement:

1. Today is day 22 of the 30-day Hot Yoga Challenge and Andrea is verrry sick of it.
2. Daystallion will be competing in Cage Match at UCB on Thursday, May 29!

Third, one complaint:

1. I had the misfortune of watching "The View" for several minutes on a television in a lobby today. The subject for the day was "hot topics". They spent 1 minute on the election, where, in addition to announcing to everyone that, yes, the war in Iraq is still going on, they made clear the general fact that the economy is bad. As quickly as the subject came up, it was abandoned. The rest of the conversation was dedicated to the issue of Kristi Yamaguchi as a cast member in "Dancing with the Stars." I do not know what the point of "The View" is actually supposed to be, so my reaction may be wholly misguided, but I essentially found the experience entirely disheartening.

Fourth, one truth:

1. Selectively and sparingly used, the placement of an exclamation point instead of a question mark at the end of a statement that is undeniably interrogative can be masterful.

Fifth, a first installment of our new series, dear readers, of An Eye For An Eye*:

1. Today I watched someone who normally puts people on hold get put on hold.

Sixth, a review, in order, of all the numbers used in this entry:

1. 1, 1, 2, 2, 2, 1, 2, 1, 22, 30, 2, 29, 3, 1, 1, 4, 1, 5, 1, 6, 1
   

*working title.

MOKA

Dear readers, do I have a new experience-and-a-half for you! And this isn't any new experience; in fact, it's an experience I have been long *against* doing, for fear I would ruin the magic of the actual outcome.

You guessed it: Andrea made espresso.

I'll allow that to sink in. Yes, making one's own coffee is one thing, but that's only because drip coffee is not a miracle. Drip coffee is the running of hot water through things that taste like coffee so that the water then tastes like coffee. Espresso and all espresso-based drinks, however, are the result of a combination of giant silver machines, levers left over from the 1930s, the banging of spoons on other spoons, and lots (and Lots) of steam. Crank it all around and, voilà, magical cups of glory are produced a la Willy Wonka-meets-the dark side of the moon.

Naturally, my making it at my current home (#10 in the past 12 months, for those counting) did destroy the magic, but -- and here is the crux -- the magic was destroyed only somewhat. The device I discovered in my kitchen and subsequently used to create this drink was at the start very mysterious, and, happily, still remains so, even though I did manage eventually to use it properly:

Have you ever seen anything more mysterious?

Next order of business:
New experience within a new experience: This blog just became multi-media!
New experience within a new experience within a new experience: Nested new experiences!
I won't keep going.

I will leave you, friends, with some new truths to take home to your loved ones:

1. The fact that it actually rains in April is very cliché on the part of the Weather.
2. Having to actually ask someone whether he/she remembers you is one of the saddest acts through which one can put oneself. (Advice-for-free: I recommend avoiding this at all costs.)
3. You will feel better in the last hour of 6 hours of hot yoga than you felt during the middle.
4. Raw ice cream doesn't melt.
5. Payphones in subways will come in handy someday.

Star of morning, shining hope

My phone's t9Word knows the word "Vinyasa".

Rental car records make excellent coasters.

Invention we can't improve upon no matter how much we try: Regular old keys.

Stand by

Here comes the grammar monster:

I notice with increasing frequency that people are using the phrase "waiting on line" instead of "in line" to describe the act of queuing (god bless the British) for something. I even saw it in print once.

Am I insane? There's no way that can be correct. Right? Or am I behind the times and this is some new fancy analogy that abstractly links the concept of the Internet to standing idly and making chit chat with the people behind you? Either way, I reject it. End of discussion.

Superlative for the day: Unexpectedly, the best mangoes in Astoria can be found at C TOWN TOWN TOWN TOWN grocery store on Broadway. If I am a self-appointed authority on any issue, it is this one.

Truth for the day #1: If weather.com tells you that the temperature it "feels like" is at all lower -- even by one degree -- than the actual temperature -- no matter how high that may be -- you will freeze to death.

Truth for the day #2: If you rent the "rating not shown in theaters" version of any movie, it will be worse than the theater version. There's a reason they don't show people getting stabbed up close on the big screen, everyone, and Ang Lee's Lust, Caution is it.

Miscellanea

Truth of the day: Just because the technology exists doesn't mean you have to use it.

Superlative of the day: The most elegant subway connection in NYC: the one between the FV and the ACE at West 4th. Look it up on a map. It's the ballroom dance of subway transfers.

Revisited memory of the day: Gimme! Coffee cafe on Lorimer in Brooklyn.

Monorific

Truth for the Day: There is no way to explain to someone else how boring someone is without also being completely boring yourself.

New Experience for the Day: Issued a money order.

Falsehood for the day: There's no such thing as the metaphorical dragon. Old experience for the day: Was painfully ambivalent at one point.

I think that's a fine way to ring in March. Carry cash, kids.

wings and wheat

New Experience 1: "Trivia Night" (TM) at a Hooter's in New Jersey. I went with my improv team last night. Verdict? Excellent. Daystallion came in a proud third place! (against a crowd of 99% frat boys on their home "turf", mind you.) Most common categories of questions? "Sports", "Comics", "Music", "TV", and "Entertainment". What is "entertainment" if not "sports, comics, music, or TV", you ask? I don't know, either.

(For you raw enthusiasts, take note, you can get an entire plate of celery at Hooter's for 69 cents!)

Lest I leave you, dear readers, out of the fun: What were the first four flavors of absolut vodka? Where do the Mets go for Spring Training? What city is hosting the Final Four next year? I am now the proud owner of answers to all of those questions. Test yourselves!

New Experience 2: Wheatgrass shot. Verdict? Completely vile. Even though I expected it to be not that great, it was still a shock how vicious it was. I'll probably have another tomorrow. (Self-challenges are the secret to my success!)

Truth For The Day: Standing in a shower where the drain is blocked so the tub fills up a little feels a lot more disgusting than it really rationally should.

Finally, I ended up watching When Dinosaurs Roamed America the other night. It was disappointing at best, and pretty much portrayed evolution as magic.

Besting

Top news: I've had more disappointing oranges in a row recently than I care to count. First new experience award for the day: Man on subway standing directly below the sign that said "6 Uptown" asked me if this was the place to wait for the 6 Uptown. Second new experience award for the day: Quinoa Gold. Verdict? (1) An acquired taste. (1a) If you grit your teeth. (2) In retrospect, probably not raw. Those tricky liquids get me every time.

Fascinating slice of real truth 1: "There's a Doctor" = Best song on the Tommy album.
Fascinating slice of real truth 2: The Dashboard, first introduced on OSX Tiger two years ago, by all accounts should have revolutionized modern computing.

It's either completely deterministic or a flat out free-for-all. Today I lean toward the latter. Regardless, I think we can all agree that the frequentists are in denial.